fast food craving

A few birthdays ago I had the day free and suggested we go to lunch. I did not have a suggestion for where to go, all I knew was where not to suggest.

We waited until the day of, until I was there in the kitchen, to pick a destination. Mom picked Wendy's. Wendy's though was unacceptable. I could make excuses that I thought she was being Mom the Martyr, or that she was depressed and did not care, or any of the thoughts we all shared about her those years. Instead, I'll admit I responded in a way that did not match her simple innocent ask for Wendy's. My words upset her, and now embarrass me deeply.

She can't drive; she can't hop in the car for a burger and fries when the craving strikes. I didn't think of going to get a burger from her perspective. Nearly every time someone suggests lunch she secretly wants what all of us can do so easily. We think of going to lunch with a friend as special, we have to go somewhere elevated to the occasion. Mom wanted that burger and fries for her birthday. I think we went to Potbelly. The scene from the kitchen is what I remember.

A little after one I hit the drive-thru at Wendy's for a junior cheeseburger or wait at the slow McDonald's counter for a single cheeseburger. Why? It is what she wants. She wants that burger and fries; whether she only nibbles on a few fries or pushes the whole bag away, she'll come to the kitchen table and eat.

In her dying days I am happy to load her up on gumdrops, jelly beans, and cheap cheeseburgers.